Habits of Happiness (Part Two)

In our last blog we said that the first eleven verses of chapter one in the Book of Philippians discuss four habits of happiness. We said that if we work on implementing these habits, they will improve our levels of contentment. Last time we talked about the first two habits, and today we are going to finish up by looking at the last two.

The third habit of happiness is expect the best in people.

This is one of the most difficult habits to learn and put into practice. Most of the time we don’t normally expect the best from other people. In fact most of the time we expect the worst. We expect people to let us down, and not do what they say they are going to do.Generally that’s what most people do, and we have learned to expect it.

But Paul says he believes in the Philippians. Why does he say that? Take a look at what he says in Philippians 1:6.

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6

Paul says God is at work in the Philippians, and He’s making them like Jesus. It’s a progressive work, and Paul says God will finish it; and since Paul knows that, he expects the best from the Philippians. How could he expect otherwise if God is working in them?

Now does this mean that the Philippians will be consistently reliable and do everything right? No. Don’t forget they still have sin natures. But Paul knows that they will get consistently better, because God is at work.

So let me ask you. Do you ever think that way about other Christians? Do you ever expect the best in them, because God is working in their lives? Do you ever pray for other people that way? Do you say, Lord, I know You are working in these people, so I ask You to inspire them to do their best. You will be amazed at what will happen when you pray like that.You will find that your disappointment with other people will become less and less. It’s extremely powerful.

In this passage Paul says “I am certain… that the good work will be completed.” Paul is reminding the Philippians that they are not stuck. Yes, they may screw up, but he’s saying that condition is not terminal. He says God is changing them, and they are getting better. We all need other people to believe in us and encourage us. As a pastor I could say, you guys are all screwed up and you need to change. I could talk about all your faults and beat you up, but what would that accomplish? It would just make you defensive, and you wouldn’t be very motivated to change.So here’s a happiness hint – it’s more productive to tell people what they CAN BE, rather than what they AREN’T. That’s what Paul did. Studies have consistently shown that great expectations motivate people to do their best. We have all heard of teachers who expect the best from their students.These students generally perform better than those who have teachers that don’t expect the best.

But Paul was also realistic. He knew it was going to take time for God to finish His work. And even though he was expecting the best in the Philippians, he was not expecting perfection.Let me give you another happiness hint – if you want to be happy in your relationships, look at what people have done – not what’s left to do. When my kids were little they would draw pictures, and they would bring it to me. And I would say, That’s perfect Matthew! That’s perfect Seth. And so on. Now when I say that’s perfect, does that mean it’s a Picasso? Or a Rembrandt? No, but it was perfect for that stage in their lives.

God doesn’t wait until you’re mature to start loving you. So don’t do that with other people. Love them warts and all, and be patient with their progress.The key to patience is love. Look at what Paul says in Philippians 1: 7.

“So it is right that I should feel as I do about all of you, for you have a special place in my heart…..” Philippians 1:7

Notice the phrase “special place in my heart.” This is an important key to happy and healthy relationships. We’ve got to have people in our hearts.I’ve discovered that if people aren’t on my heart – they’re usually on my nerves. And if I want to get them off my nerves, I’ve got to get them on my heart. If I’m praying for somebody, they don’t usually bug me as much. But if I’m not praying for them, I can get perturbed pretty fast. Here’s another happiness hint – most of our relationship problems happen because we react with our heads and not with our hearts.

I want to talk to the men for just a moment. Let’s say your wife comes to you and tells you that she’s frightened or concerned about something. Many times we react with our heads and not our hearts. We say, “That’s not logical. That’s dumb. You shouldn’t feel that way.”And I am sure you know that doesn’t work too well.

Instead we should say, “I’m sorry you are feeling that way” “What can we do to take this burden from you?” “What can we do to change the situation? “Maybe there’s nothing we can do, but at least we can listen and be sympathetic. We must react with our hearts and not just with our heads. When Paul says I have you in my heart, that means that he loves them and accepts them and wants the best for them.

A fourth habit of happiness is we must love people like Jesus did.

This is another hard habit to implement. Obviously we are not Jesus. We’re human, and we’re sinners. As sinners we are self-centered people. We focus on our own needs, and we are mostly concerned about what is going on with us. This is contrary to how Jesus related to others.

Notice what Paul says in Philippians 1:8…..

“God knows how much I love you (he’s affirming his love for them) and long for you with the tender compassion of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:8

Paul is equating his love for the Philippians with the tender compassion of Jesus. Let’s take a look at another verse that emphasizes the same idea.

“This is how we know what real love is. Christ gave his life for us. So then we ought to give our lives for others.” 1 John 3:16

Does that remind you of any other verse? How about John 3:16, which is pretty famous?

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

The same guy wrote both verses. People usually remember John 3:16, but they often forget 1 John 3:16. John 3:16 talks about how to be saved, but 1 John 3:16 says we must love like Jesus, and that’s what Paul is telling us in Philippians 1:8. So here’s another happiness hint – love other people like Jesus did.

Well, that coves the 4 happiness habits that Paul discusses in the first 11 verses of Philippians 1. Let me close by asking you some questions.

1. Do you always expect the best in other people?

2. What do you do when they disappoint you?

3. What can you do to love other people unconditionally?

Think of someone in your life that you interact with on a regular basis. Do they sometimes do things that bug you, and does that affect the way you relate to them and love them? If that’s the case, I recommend that you pray and ask Jesus toshow you how to love them unconditionally. He will. He always will respond to that prayer. So get ready.

Questions or Feedback?  Contact:  bob@riverrecoverychurch.com