The Culinary Black Hole of Castro Valley

I had a nightmare the other night.  I was channel surfing and flipped on to the Food Network where two nameless restaurants in Castro Valley were competing on the show Iron Chef.  The magnanimous chairman exclaimed "Allez cuisine!" as he dramatically pulled back the drape exposing the mystery ingredient to be box upon box of frozen, processed food baring Sysco's blue logo. 

The "chefs" licked their lips nervously and readied their box cutters.  The audience, comprising residents of Castro Valley, cheered boisterously as assistant fry cooks manned their microwave stations, with fingers at the ready.  Kitchen Stadium's equipment had been replaced with anything a Denny's or T.G.I.F. might need to reheat and reconstitute such foodstuffs as Kraft macaroni and cheese, Texas Toast, and frozen mini-sliders.  

For a minute, I watched the two competing kitchens duke it out in a processed food war to end all others.  However, when I attempted to turn the channel I found that I couldn't.  It was as if the buttons on the remote were permanently  depressed.  I began to sweat.  I couldn't move nor close my eyes. Somehow I was being forced to watch culinary debauchery.  The cool voice of Kitchen Stadium's commentator droned in the background, "Looks like restaurant 'B' is pulling out the big guns and dumping a load of bacon-jalapeno poppers in to the deep fryer." 

I tried to scream but found my voice caught in my throat... I began falling and tried to grab a giant french fry ladder, which immediately crumbled in my hands.  I was tumbling towards frozen onion rings sizziling in a massive fryer below.  A giant Bob's Big Boy was peering at me from above laughing like some sort of maniacal clown high on MSG.  Just before hitting the bubbling vat of Cargill's Liquid Soy Shortening, I awoke, drenched with cold sweat and fear.

Unfortunately, minus the Bob's Big Boy, and Kitchen Stadium's weird, acrobatic chairman, my nightmare is a waking reality.  Frozen, processed food and box cutters are standard operating procedure for too many of Castro Valley's eateries.  While we may not be the "Fast Food Capital" of the Bay Area, as many assert, Castro Valley certainly does a very good job of perpetuating that myth with substandard food that masquerades as such.  

I've lived in Castro Valley my entire life, but more than ever I wish an honest eatery would open in my beloved home town.  I want a place to take my family without feeling that the food is ultra-processed, unhealthy, overpriced, and something that I could simply re-heat in my own microwave at home. 

How about a local restaurant that supports other local business such as nearby farmers? 

Castro Valley is surrounded by bountiful farmland, would it be too much to ask that our eateries shop local as well?  How about cooking nutritious, delicious food from scratch ingredients?  Can we just say, "No!" to big-box, processed food distributors? 

In the end, I do not patronize our local restaurants... often.  I want value for my food dollars, and by value I mean good quality at a reasonable price.  I have found such value at restaurants in Pleasanton, Oakland, Berkeley, Union City, and surrounding areas.  It's a shame that other areas readily attract Castro Valley's food dollars. 

So with this rant, I also throw down a gauntlet. I propose a Kitchen Stadium challenge of sorts and invite the restaurants of Castro Valley, sans microwaves and box cutters, to compete.

Retaurants, are you listening?  In the immortal words of Chef Emeril Lagasse, you need to kick it up a notch.