Moms Talk: A Weighty Issue

This week, the Moms' Council discusses one of America's most taboo subjects—weight. We all know there's an "obesity epidemic" sweeping the country, but when it comes to ourselves and our families, it can be a challenge to stay active and eat right, and even harder to talk about it when we don't. That goes double for kids.

How do you keep your kids healthy without worrying over weight? 

Alicia: 

Recently I noticed that my oldest son, Antonio, had put on a few pounds.

  I didn't come to this conclusion based on what the scale said.  Antonio had innocently grabbed my "love-handles" and asked me when we were going to start working out again.  So like usual, I grabbed his, and laughed as I asked him the same question. 

There was something really different about this episode.  Antonio actually had some handles!  So I kept a watchful eye over him during the following weeks and realized that his body was changing. 

At first, I didn't know what to do.  I didn't want to make him feel bad but I also didn't want to ignore it.

 Luckily, I have always talked openly with my children about eating healthy, and the changes their bodies have and will go through. We have also discussed how diabetes is sometimes induced by lack of healthy diet and exercise habits. 

Grandpa was affected by diabetes but has since changed his diet, implemented exercise, lost 20 lbs, and is diabetes-free.  My great-grandmother was a very slim woman but took insulin daily for as long as I can remember.  I don't want something like this to happen to my children while I'm not paying attention because I was busy.  I'll always be busy so it was time for me to step up.

 I decided to approach the subject by apologizing to Antonio for the many changes our family has been through over the last eighteen months.  I told him that I knew it must be hard to go from being involved in so many activities to having no outside activities at all (until just last month).  I empathized with how frustrating it must be to be stuck in the house all the time when he was used to being able to come and go freely to play outside or work with our horse and ponies. 

My pregnancy with the triplets started big changes in our lives that were not easy on the other two kids.  We no longer live safely tucked away on a mountain top.  There are no more horses or ponies.  Athletic activities became a distant memory.  There is not enough time in the day.

  Considering these changes, I also explained that our bodies react to stress and change as well.  Sometimes, they rebel against us.  Often, when we start an exercise program, we are sore for a while before our bodies begin to adapt.  Likewise, when we stop or change an active lifestyle for an inactive one, our bodies also rebel. 

So I told him that I think his body was mad at me (mom) and that I would try to work out some kind of compromise so that he didn't suffer.  He was not offended and it all made a lot of sense to him.  I changed his bedtime from nine to eight so he would get more sleep.  I implemented a no TV policy between 4:00 p.m. and 6:00 p.m.  I made sure dinner was served no later than 6:00 p.m. I also began directly supervising his after school chores so that he is required to walk throughout the house quickly for at least a half hour.  He thinks I'm just a chore monster!  I got him back onto a soccer team and signed a Healthy Mind - Healthy Body contract with him.  His school's PE teacher loved the idea and signed the contract too.  Antonio was excited about that. 

Lastly, I required him to give his younger brother daily 10 minute Healthy Mind - Healthy Body lessons, based on his own opinions.  Since he is the teacher in this scenario he really gets into it.  

I know I could have just let it go.  I thought about it.  In the end, I decided that I had to do something.  These changes his body was going through weren't just because of some growth spurt.  Our lifestyles had changed and it didn't seem like they would be getter better anytime soon.  

Now we are starting to see positive changes.  I don't tell him that he is looking slim.  I tell him he is looking fit or healthy.  I tell him that his endurance sure is improving.  I tell him that he's getting faster.  I tell him he is getting stronger.  I tell him he is a great example to his siblings.  I never ask him what he weighs and I don't care. Being a parent isn't always "comfortable" but I think we owe it to our children to suck it up.  If we notice that they are headed down the wrong path in any aspect of their lives we should be diligent in attempting to re-direct them, until they are old enough to live their own lifes.  For now, they count on us to see the red-flags and love them enough to risk that somedays, they won't like what we have to say, and they won't like us.  

Rebecca:

I’m a “big girl,” my husband is a big man, my boys are big boys. 

 I have always been on the “heavy” side. My mother, to put it nicely, called me “big-boned.”  Even though I’m not a size 6, or even a size 12 for that matter, I’ve never really felt bad about my size.  I’m a curvaceous Hispanic woman. Sure, there are a few rolls thrown in with my curves, but I accept who I am.  I know I am doing what I need to do to stay healthy. 

My mother died at the age of 42, complications from diabetes.  There is diabetes on every branch of my family tree, and my husband’s family is almost a mirror image of mine—not a good thing for our children.  

All of my children are well aware of the risks and dangers of obesity.  They understand and know the signs of that silent killer, diabetes.  They understand all too well and have been affected all too personally by the pitfalls and temptations of food and making the wrong choices.  They are aware that there are choices, always choices. 

The subject of weight has always been and always will be a concern in my family. There are so many factors in all of our lives that contribute to weight issues. Each family is different, each individual is different. 

I don’t think there is one “right” way of dealing with this problem. Factors such as genetics, health issues, culture and traditions, where we live and financial constraints make this a battle that continuously needs to be fought. For my family it is an extremely serious fight that we are prepared to fight till the bitter end. We have had many challenges, but the two main challenges that we had to personally deal with when my children were growing up were getting enough exercise and our deeply rooted “carb” culture. 

I am adamant about not keeping certain snack foods in the house. No soda. No chips, cookies or ice cream. Not that we aren’t ever allowed to eat “junk food”—it is just not something that goes on our grocery list. In the past 23 years we have probably fried something in our kitchen maybe five times. Raising a family of four sons on our salary didn’t afford us the luxury of eating out, either. I have to admit, carbs are our downfall. 

When my boys were growing up, I tried to do what was best. Feeding a group of growing boys on a limited budget wasn’t easy. Learning how to adapt and improvise our family’s food culture— Mexican and Puerto Rican—has taken years of experience and work. But really, beans, rice and tortillas goes a long way when feeding what felt like an army of men. I don’t believe in dieting, I believe in choices. I’ve never been on a fad diet. If I need to lose weight or get in shape, I do it by healthy choices and exercise.  That’s what I expect of my children as well. 

I am an overprotective mother.  I may have even been called “paranoid” at one time or another. Because the neighborhoods we lived in lacked yard space and sidewalks, I hardly ever let my boys go outside and ride bikes or their scooters. They were allowed to play outside, but only within very close proximity to the house— within “hollering” distance, to be exact.  

This, of course, didn’t allow for sufficient exercise needed for children. I own that, I take responsibility for that. All the boys were involved with sports, baseball, and would shape up during the spring, but winter months were difficult for them getting out and running around. This is a very real problem that exists for many families today, especially in our communities; I now know I am not alone.

 With all of these factors, my boys did well. I have two sons who can shape up in no time with really good genetics and two others who are unfortunate to have the opposite metabolism.  

On top of the weight challenges we’ve all faced, my third son has had to battle some serious health issues that have added frustration and caused him to have to work extra hard. He was a severe asthmatic and at a very young age had to deal with bouts of steroids; it was very difficult on his body.

During the time from about 12 to 15 years of age came several health problems that kept him on steroids for about three years straight and weekly injections of a chemo drug that wreaked havoc on his system.  

The perception that others have of us because of our appearance can be discouraging. It can be depressing and affect our self-esteem. I am highly sensitive to this and have always told my children that everyone is different. There is no right or wrong “look,” but we need to accept ourselves for who we are and strive to live the healthiest lives we can by making the right choices.  

As my children got older and became teens with their own jobs and own money, it was more difficult for me to manage and monitor what they ate. Just like in all other aspects of life they have been taught to stop and think about the choices they make, and if they do not make the right choices there will be consequences.  They understand the consequences and I hope they chose to do the right thing.

Stacy: We all want our kids to be perfect in every way.  

It doesn't matter what we admit to, we still have expectations, and some that may not be very realistic.  As I sit here eating my Hot Tamales candies, I wonder how to address some of the issues that Alicia has brought up.

I come from a family that was not thin. We were always husky and referred to ourselves as big-boned — no such thing, but it was our way to justify. My mom fed us healthy but it just wasn't in our genes to be thin. I was always athletic and played sports so I'm assuming that if that wasn't the case, I would've been even bigger-boned.

Imagine my delight when my first daughter came out in the lower percentile in weight. I thought I was going to have a thin fragile little girl.  We used to tease her that she was going to be dating in her booster seat because she would never hit the weight requirement.

Needless to say, as a senior in high school, she is definitely average in weight, not one bit fragile and very athletic. My youngest is built just like me and we have to watch our snacking because we don't eat when we're hungry, we just eat to be eating! However, she is very active and athletic as well. In fact, she's outside shooting hoops in the driveway as I write this. I couldn't be happier.

I never really had a conversation with my children about maintaining a healthy weight, we just have always been active. I walk two miles every day and my husband and I still get out and play with them whenever we can. We're a family of being outdoors and I have always encouraged, either by example or by telling them: "Get out and play!" Even when we can't get outside, you can find us playing Wii fitness or sports games.

I am a creature of habit and routine and my girls have always eaten three meals a day. Dinners consist of a meat, a vegetable or fruit and a starch.  Talk about old-fashioned — things just aren't right in our family when there aren't at least three different food categories on their plates. It's harder to maintain this lifestyle when it's softball season, but I try my best to make sure my family eats healthy.

Being active is our best defense in staying healthy and fit for both our mind and body. I've had friends who say they get tired just listening to what we do each day!

Our family would much rather be outside playing than inside reading a book, whereas others may prefer the opposite. As long as our children are comfortable with themselves and are maintaining a healthy lifestyle within their own family, then as parents, we should be happy and comfortable with who they are as well.