Former Foster Kid Finds the Gift of Family

Traditions are meant to foster unity and a sense of belonging among members of a family or community.  They are predictable and reassuring. A family's holiday traditions are imparted to the children as memorable moments in life to be recreated for the next generation. And, they are fun!

But for foster children, the holidays can be stressful and unsettling. If they are in a foster home during the December celebrations of Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or Christmas, they may not understand the holiday or the foster family's traditions. This could leave them feeling uneasy throughout the busy season.

Before Castro Valley resident Tonaya Wright went into foster care at age 7, she had experienced holiday joy and excitement with her caregiver, a biological grandmother, and has memories of Christmas celebrations.  In the summer of 1998, everything changed when she and her 1-year-old half-sister were taken into foster care.

"I knew what (holiday celebrations with family) should be like," said Wright, now 20. 

California Child Protective Services intervened when the girls' grandmother passed away and their mother, a drug addict who was in and out of jail, was unable to care for Wright and her sister. Today, Wright doesn't know where her biological mother is. She has never met her father. 

"I don't know his name," she said.

Wright and her sister stayed first at a children's shelter in San Joaquin County, and were then placed in four different foster homes during their first year in the system.     

Judy Teyler, who with her husband Verne founded in 1989 the Castro Valley-based foster care agency Hosanna Homes, understands that foster children nearly always come from a dysfunctional home. 

"It's a life of broken promises," said Teyler, explaining that foster children just can't trust in a Christmas that will never come. "Several children told me they would see presents under the tree and by the time Christmas arrived, dad would have sold them for drugs and there would be nothing (left) Christmas morning."

At the Hosanna Homes ranch, located at 9998 Crow Canyon Rd., kids can be assured that the gifts bearing their names, scattered beneath a decorated Christmas tree, will still be there Christmas Day.

Wright remembers one special Christmas in a foster home. "I got a paint set with shaped sponges and that was (very) cool. It was my favorite toy and I'll never forget it," she said.

By the time Wright was 10, she had another half-sister and the three girls were offered together for adoption, to a Stockton family, in the fall of 2001. The adoption didn't work out and the girls were placed back into foster care.   

In 2002, the three girls were successfully adopted by a loving and supportive Castro Valley couple through Adopt A Special Kid (AASK) in Oakland.   

"The gift of adopting these children has been an awesome experience," said adoptive mother Deborah Wright. "It fulfilled every dream I ever had about having children in my life."   

AASK, formed in 1973 by Piedmont couple Robert and Dorothy DeBolt, was instrumental in drafting and championing the Adoption and Safe Families Act signed into law by President Clinton in 1997. The legislation helps compel states to reduce delays in the adoption of children with special needs. 

"We would love to place as many children as possible," said Liz Kocabiyik, development director of AASK. "Every child deserves a loving home. We provide free adoption services to prospective parents."

In 2007, Wright went to stay at the Hosanna Homes ranch for eight months.

Hosanna Homes typically acts to facilitate reunification of foster children with their biological families, working closely with the parents to provide a nurturing family environment for children who are in need of love and appropriate role models. The agency also places foster children with selectively matched families. Foster parents receive training, supervision and financial support. 

Although Wright wasn't at the ranch over Thanksgiving or Christmas, she remembers big Easter and Super Bowl celebrations. "We would go to church, have a huge party and lots of food," she said. 

And she remembers making money by doing janitorial work in the Hosanna Homes' office. "I worked at the ranch and got paid," Wright said. "I got my first real job (in Castro Valley) while I was at the ranch."

Teyler said foster youth tend to work so they can have spending money for the Christmas season. "Since we work with teenagers at the ranch, the foster children have jobs that earn money for shopping," she said. "They reach into a 'hat' and choose the name of one foster (child) for whom they will shop — and the suspense begins. We saved Christmas shopping for the busiest day of the season because the hustle and bustle in the malls would assure the children something special was about to happen." 

Many children at Hosanna Homes save a few dollars to buy a biological relative a small gift such as earrings, a wallet, a picture frame, a toy or simply a beautiful card. "They don't expect anything in return from the relative because they are immune to disappointment, and learned young that unfulfilled expectations result in resentment, anger and alienation," Teyler said.

While Wright continues to have a strong relationship with her adoptive parents and her sisters, she no longer lives in the family home. Of the upcoming Christmas celebration she will share with her family, she said, "Holidays are awesome, so fun.  I knew this was how it should be."

There are nearly 3,000 children and youth in foster care, in Alameda County.  The California Department of Children and Family Services assists in adoptions, foster care, children's services and child welfare.

For more information about AASK, visit them online, or call (510) 553-1748. To learn more about Hosanna Homes, visit them online, or call (510) 538-8117.