Last night I was given a lovely award from our Assemblyman, Bob Wieckowski. I didn't know if I had to give a speech (it turns out I didn't), but I sure wrote one. I think it's better that I didn't get to say this, I was in that room with way more politicians and important people than I expected, I don't know if jokes about my "nibblies" in the wind would have been quite appropriate. Anyhow, what follows is the complete text of my speech.
First thing, and this is an absolutely true story; the last time I had to give a speech, it was at the Pop-Up Museum, right before I went up to the microphone, I ripped a hole in the crotch of my pants. I had to give the speech with my nibblies all air conditioned. Needless to say, I wore jeans today, so my parts will all stay where they belong.
This is quite an honor, however, when I’ve told folks about this, several people have said, “Bob Wieckowski Don’t you mean Pete Stark or Eric Swalwell ?” Then I’m like, “No, there is state government and federal government, and let me explain how California’s government works” ... and of course I can’t explain how California’s government works, it looks like there are some political muckity mucks here tonight, so I’m hoping you can explain it to me afterwards.
Anyways, I am very honored. Shocked actually. Not quite as shocked as my local online newspaper though, this is another true story- there was an article about this event and the web address was like, “dub dub dub dot Patch dot com forward slash hometown dot hero question mark, ” Even the internet is shocked by me getting this award. Rather than Hometown Hero, like I’m Kid Flash or something, it’s like hometown hero??? I feel kind of like Carrie after she got elected Prom Queen- I keep looking around for the bucket of pig blood.
Seriously though, as delighted as I am with this award, I really need to thank the people of Castro Valley. Castro Valley is a rad little town, town, can’t say city, town. It is full of vibrant, intelligent, folks, that support the community we live in. I may have come up with a few crazy ideas, and been dumb enough to think I could make them happen, but without my family, my collaborators, and the people of Castro Valley I am just a knucklehead with a Facebook page. If I have done anything for CV, it’s maybe, helping to sharpen and define the potential of our town.
Thank you to Bob Wieckowski for putting together this event and honoring all these great people. In my civilian, Clark Kent life, when I’m not busy superheroing or being honored by fancy local politicians, I work for the Alameda County Water District. I have actually read Mr Wieckowski’s water meter. (Mock stage whisper- That means I know where he lives, so if you want to know where the after-party is, ask me when I’m done with this stuffy speech.) I remember when he first got started campaigning, the campaign sign in his front yard was a rebus- It had a Y then a cow on skis. Quite honestly, I didn’t know the big dictionary word “rebus”, I just thought Mr. Wieckowski was pretty awesome because his sign looked like the bottom of a Lucky Lager bottle-cap.
And now, he’s given me this award, so I think he’s doubly awesome. Despite all the jokes, this is a huge honor, and I am flattered.
Thank you all very much.
That's it, hope it made you laugh, hope Assemblyman Wieckowski has a good sense of humor and that nobody is going to show up on my doorstep trying to repossess my plaque.