Online Dating: Screen Out Prince Uncharming

When you’re a 49-year-old single mom of two kids, 10 and 12, online dating feels like The Amazing Race meets Survivor.

As a working mom and full-time chauffeur/activity director for my kids, time is limited, which gives the adventure a bit of Beat the Clock excitement.

As my smarter-than-me ex-sister-in-law recently advised me, “Pre-screening is crucial.” If you take a week or two to interview your dates, you’ll save your time and his. Better to have fewer dates than waste time meeting bad matches.

Here are my top five pre-screening tips:

1. If the man’s primary photo features anything other than an image of his face, don’t even bother to click his profile.

2. If he only has one photo posted, ask for more. I used to feel that photos weren’t that important, but if you’re not attracted to his photo, you won’t likely be attracted to him. Call me shallow, but it’s the truth.

3. Ask key questions via the online dating site’s secure, anonymous email or live chat: 

• How long ago did you end your last relationship? (If he says last week or last month, delete him.)
• What did you like about my profile? (If he says it was your photo and the "inner beauty" he saw in your eyes, delete him. He didn’t read your profile and doesn’t have a clue what inner beauty is.)
• What do you see yourself doing in five years? (If he has no goals, or if his goal has anything to do with you in a bedroom, delete him.)
• How much time do you have for dating? Do you have to travel for business? How often? (If he has no spare time, delete him. If he has too much spare time, delete him.)
• Tell me a story that shows me what kind of parent you are. (If he says he disciplines his kids by giving them a whack, delete him. If he says he showers his kids with gifts out of broken-family guilt, delete him. If he says his kids have to earn privileges and “pay” things by working for them through chores and good behavior, put him on your favorites list.)

4. Don’t ask these questions all at once of course. Take time over a week or two. If nothing else, his level of patience with your questions will tell you how interested he is in meeting you.

5. If you give him your number to chat before meeting, and he ends up texting you eight times a day and wants to call you morning and night, tell him your situation has changed and you no longer want to meet him. If he keeps texting and calling after that, change your number, dye your hair and enter the witness protection program.

Once he passes your tests, and you decide to meet, don’t let him pick you up. Find a nice, public place and meet him there. I like to meet for tea (since I don’t drink coffee). A tea is short, inexpensive, painless (usually) and easy to cut out of early should he turn out to be Prince Uncharming.

If you can afford it, I’d also recommend hiring a professional photographer to take a couple of good photos of you. Let’s face it, man or woman, we’re basically shopping by photo at the first level of engagement, so why not put your best face forward?

I recommend Craig Williams of Awesome Headshots in San Ramon. Thanks to Craig’s camera magic, my new, improved photos resulted in a spike of interest among wannabe suitors.

Wish me luck.